I am writing this with tears in my eyes and no proofreading. Straight from the heart so if I ramble I apologize.
Anyone who knows me the first things they learn about me is that I am a huge football fan and work in public safety. I am the odd ball a female fireman and paramedic- that’s me! A female football fan that knows what she’s talking about- check check!
So today when news broke of a potential first round draft pick being accused of rape I was heartbroken. Not because of the fact that a young mans career could be over before it started. Or that a young woman will forever be traumatized (which will happen if allegations are true) but because an accusation is just that. A charge or “claim” that someone has done something wrong or illegal! Not that they have, because all parties are entitled to due process. I don’t care if the accuser would have been on a rival team I instantly hurt for ALL involved!
Immediately posts, tweets and message boards are lighting up. Blame being thrown all ways. Blaming the accused and the accusor. I physically am becoming sick reading them. My stomach is in knots, lunch is no longer a part of my body. I want to scream at almost every post I read. They vary from
“She’s trying to get money.”
“Another black man raping a woman”
“He’s on the doorstep of success and fails to enter because of a stupid action.”
“Woman always trying to ruin an up and coming mans life!”
I want to scream at each person that wrote each one! Where was “I pray this isn’t true” better yet “Prayers to the accusor and the accused!”
I will never understand why people rape people. One thing I will always understand though is what its like to be the victim of sexual assault.
You see 19 years ago I was raped. I felt worthless. I wanted to die. I was broken. There are days I still feel that way. I feel like a broken vase that’s just been superglued, every now and then some water leaks out, (my tears). Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what happened. I became a mother by my rapist. I never look at my child and see their father. I refuse to let him control anymore of my life than he already does. Its never easy to get over it. And getting married seemed almost impossible. What happened to me made it difficult to trust any man. To be close and confide in a man was and still is difficult. And to be intimate with my husband is almost impossible at times. I have nightmares almost weekly where I relive over and over what happened. My husband does all he can to comfort me. But the pain and memories will never leave.
Seek psychiatric help you say, yeah been there done that. Talking about it does make it easier but again its a memory burned into my mind. Every touch, smell, sound and emotion. Every victim will deal with these things. Some may get over them others may not.
As for someone falsely accused well I can’t speak for them but I can only imagine they go through a nightmare of their own. It has to be like being a kid and your older sibling does something you get blamed for it and punished because you can’t prove that they are lying. And days, weeks maybe even months later the truth comes out, but you’ve already suffered the punishment. Nothing can take it back. The thing though is when its an accusation like rape its always going to be in the back of someone’s mind. So I imagine like a victim of rape you never really heal.
- Regardless truth or lies lives will be changed forever. So instead of taking sides and spreading hate on one or the other pray. Pray for all those involved. Pray for healing and peace. Don’t jump to conclusions don’t take sides. Remember in life there are three sides to every story, Side A Side B and the Truth. And before you decide to take sides put yourself in each parties shoes. And if you still don’t have a full understanding imaging if it was your family going through the ordeal. Put a familiar name and face yo each person involved someone you love and you will look at things a little differently! Most importantly though PRAY! Pray for all involved and their familues, thus doesn’t just impact one persons life it impacts many!!